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z = Zaphod
a = Arthur
m = Meat (Dish of the Day)
f = Ford
t = Trillian
w = waiter

w: Would you like to see the menu? Or would you like to meet the Dish of the Day?
f,a,t: Huh?
z: That’s cool. We’ll meet the meat.
m: Good evening. I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in parts of my body? Something off the shoulder perhaps? Braised in a white wine sauce?
a: Er, your shoulder?
m: But naturally my shoulder sir, nobody else’s is mine to offer. Or the rump is very good. I’ve been exercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there’s a lot of good meat there. Or a casserole perhaps?
t: You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?
f: Me? I don’t mean anything.
a: That’s absolutely horrible, the most revolting thing I’ve ever heard.
z: What’s the problem Earthman?
a: I just don’t want to eat an animal that’s standing there inviting me to. It’s heartless.
z: Better than eating an animal that doesn’t want to be eaten.
a: That’s not the point. Alright, maybe it is the point. I don’t care, I’m not going to think about it now. I’ll just…er… I think I’ll just have a green salad.
m: May I urge you to consider my liver? It must be rich and tender by now, I’ve been force feeding myself for months.
a: A green salad.
m: A green salad?
a: Are you going to tell me that I shouldn’t have a green salad?
m: Well, said the animal, I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly. And here I am.
a: Glass of water please.
z: Look, we want to eat, we don’t want to make a meal of the issues. Four rare steaks please and hurry. We haven’t eaten in five hundred and seventy six thousand years.
m: A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good, I’ll just nip off and shoot myself. Don’t worry sir. I’ll be very humane.
(Meat goes – steak arrives, Arthur looks a little ill)
z: Hey, Earthman, what’s eating you?

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